The holiday season has a way of arriving with a lot of noise.
More gatherings. More expectations. More emotional landmines.
More pressure to show up happy, generous, grateful, and together—even when something inside you feels tired, raw, or quietly overwhelmed.
If you’re already feeling a knot in your chest just thinking about the holidays, I want you to know this first:
Nothing is wrong with you.
For many sensitive, caring, high-functioning people—especially those who grew up having to manage others’ emotions—the holidays don’t feel restful. They feel like a test.
A return to old roles. Old dynamics. Old ways of disappearing to keep the peace.
This season can stir up grief, resentment, loneliness, or a deep exhaustion that doesn’t have words yet. And that makes sense.
You’re Allowed to Have Needs (Even Now)
One of the hardest things I hear from clients around this time is:
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
Often what’s underneath is something even more tender:
“I don’t know how to choose myself without feeling guilty.”
If you learned early on that love came from being accommodating, easy, or emotionally available, then setting boundaries can feel threatening—like you’re doing something wrong instead of something protective.
But boundaries aren’t punishments.
They’re not walls.
They’re not a rejection of love.
Boundaries are a way of staying connected to yourself.
They might look small and quiet this season:
- Leaving a gathering earlier than usual
- Skipping a tradition that feels draining
- Saying “I’ll think about it” instead of saying yes automatically
- Creating space between events instead of stacking them back-to-back
- Choosing rest over productivity
You don’t have to explain your nervous system to anyone for your needs to be valid.
A Softer Way to Approach the Holidays
What if, instead of asking “How do I get through this?”, you gently asked:
- What do I need more of this season—rest, space, comfort, connection?
- What tends to overwhelm me, and how can I meet that with care?
- Where can I let “good enough” be enough?
Prioritizing your needs doesn’t mean you stop caring about others.
It means you stop abandoning yourself in the process.
And for many people, that’s deeply unfamiliar—and deeply healing.
You Get to Redefine What “Enough” Looks Like
You don’t have to attend everything.
You don’t have to be available to everyone.
You don’t have to carry the emotional weight of the room.
A gentle holiday season might mean:
- Fewer plans, with more intention
- More listening inward, less performing outward
- Letting your body—not the calendar—set the pace
This isn’t about doing the holidays “right.”
It’s about doing them honestly.
If This Season Brings Up More Than You Expected
Sometimes the holidays don’t just ask for boundaries—they reveal old wounds.
Patterns of people-pleasing.
Unspoken grief.
A younger part of you that learned to stay quiet to stay safe.
If you notice that this season feels heavier than you anticipated, you don’t have to carry that alone. Support can be a place where you don’t have to explain, perform, or hold it together—where you can slow down and tend to what’s really there.
However this season unfolds for you, I hope you offer yourself gentleness.
Not as a reward.
But because you’re human—and that’s enough.
With care,
Wen
